I couldn’t reason. When Mark talked to me, all I heard were incomprehensible sounds that were lost in the screeching noises already filling me. I wanted to hear him but I could not. It’s so very hard to remember the things I did. I try, I need to comprehend them so I can get better but there’s nothing to hold on to. Everything that went on in those days…in the months, they feel like they happened to someone else…except I was there…watching me do them. Doctor Jamison nods when I say these things. She says she understands what I talk about, but she can’t really. No one can. Sometimes, it’s like I will explode and all the pieces of me will fly apart to lay scattered on the ground. I don’t know where all this will end. I think I will end some day and then things will be peaceful again. ******** It’s been three months now…three months since Mark and I talked to Doctor Jamison in her office. I’m better now. I’m not afraid anymore when Doctor Jamison wants to put me into what she calls a. ”“I’ll stay and practice,” said Alice. “I can’t think about anything else, anyway, and I trust you to choose, and you’ll need space in your trolley.”So by ten Faye and I were walking past kennels of dogs. Faye was oohing and aahhing at every one.“We need two that aren’t scared of noises,” I told the kind woman showing us round.“Well...” she sounded doubtful, “there are some older dogs, if you don’t mind an older dog. They’re black too, and rather large.”“We’ve got plenty of space, haven’t we,” said Faye, “but why does black make a difference?”“I don’t know, people don’t want them,” the woman replied sadly, “old black dogs always hang around.”“Oh that’s not fair,” Faye was instantly on their side, “can we see them?”We walked along to where two tall black dogs were in a kennel together. They had long greying muzzles, and came to greet Faye as she crouched down in front of the wire making kissing noises at them and saying hello and weren’t they tall and gorgeous.“He’s a Saluki cross,”.
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